i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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