Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
