Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
