dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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