so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
