you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
