get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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