i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
