The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
