I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
