Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
