JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
