someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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