dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
