I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
