My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
