really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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