Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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