you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
