I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize