She went from zero to smokin in five shots
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
