i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
