You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
