All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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