i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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