sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you had me at cake vodka
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
