There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
