Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
