I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
