So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
