I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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