if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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