How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
