I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
