he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
