You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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