Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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