ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
3 2 1 whiskey
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
