Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
