Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
