we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
