someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
