you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize