forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
