is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
