I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
