i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
