happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize