It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
