Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
