just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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