Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
