Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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