Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
