The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize