I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
