Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
