dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
