i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
