things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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