Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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