But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You're like the curious george of whores
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
