they need to just BURY HIM!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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