Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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