I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
